


Drinking Contest

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Funny, Humour, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oakenshield is challenged to a drinking contest by the Reader but who will win the battle?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking Contest

“You are going to lose,” You said as you set down a stein in front of Thorin who sat sulking at the round table.

“What?” He looked up, the yellow light of the tavern lanterns reflected in his blue eyes.

“I recall that you said you could drink me under the table,” You sat down across from him, announcing your challenge to the whole room, “So let’s settle this, once and for all.”

“[Y/N], you do not want to do this,” He gripped the handle of the stein, looking into the dark liquid.

“Oh, no, _you_ don’t,” You pulled yours close with a grin, you were tired of the stubborn dwarf ruining all your fun, “Because you know I will win.”

“You are half my size, you could not even finish that,” He finally smiled as he pointed to your own drink.

You heard shuffling around you and saw that the other dwarves of the Company had risen from their own seats and gathered around, Kili and Fili’s eyes sparkled with amusement. Balin looked disproving, Dwalin curious, and the rest a mixture of the two.

“Go on, Uncle,” Kili had been the one who talked you into going over there, “You can beat her.”

“There is no pride in out drinking a girl.”

“A girl who could drink you blind,” You growled across the top of your stein, before you brought it to your mouth, upending it down your throat. The ale was cool and you gulped it down easily before slamming the stein back down, the dwarves around you fell into a dead silence.

“Very well, we will see who is blind at the end of this night,” Thorin downed his ale with little effort and Fili arrived with two more steins, him and his brother had no doubt planned this, whether they had convinced you or another of the Company. They were out to make a spectacle.

“Cheers,” You lifted the stein and poured it down your throat smoothly, Thorin did the same, the two of you crashing them down almost simultaneously.

“You can still bow out with grace, [Y/N],” Thorin offered, his beard wet with ale.

“So can you,” You motioned for Fili to fetch two more, “As sweet as a mare’s milk.” You took the third stein with longing, looking deep into Thorin’s eyes before you gulped it down.

“Who’s keeping count?” Bofur asked from behind your shoulder.

“I am,” Kili offered, “They certaintly aren’t.”

“They should be,” Dwalin reproached though he did nothing to keep Fili from setting down two more steins.

“Thank you,” You said, swirling the dark ale before once again emptying it.

As you set the stein back on the table beside the others, a wash of dizziness hit you, but you kept yourself from swaying. You looked across to Thorin, his eyes were slightly clouded from the drink already.

“Another!” He shouted, throwing his hair back over his shoulders. That silky, dark mane.

“Last chance to place a bet,” Nori called from behind you as you heard coins clinking.

“Best not lose your coin on this fool,” You took the next stein and swished it towards Thorin, before you slurped it down, “Only a fool could think he has a chance against me.” You felt your voice begin to drag, though you saw slight wobble to Thorin’s head.

“You dare call me a fool,” Two more steins on the table, “I am a king.”

“The king of fools,” You toasted and drank, the two of you brought your hands down in time. Thorin burped loudly and you held onto the table top, “Fili, more.”

“Aye, she’s in for it now,” Dwalin boomed and laughter erupted from the dozen other dwarves.

“You haven’t a chance,” Thorin slurred as he took his next stein and you looked at yours, pondering his words.

“Stop talking and start drinking,” You tipped the next into your stomach where it swished with the rest, “Fili, you barwench, another.” You ordered and Fili gave you a sharp look, though he obeyed.

You stared at Thorin, though you felt like your eyes wouldn’t stop moving, and brought the next stein to your lips, the liquid was thick but you made yourself swallow to the last drop. You lowered yours as he lowered his and the two of you seemed to sway in unison.

“Right then, that’s enough,” Balin ordered and he kept Fili from placing the next two, “They’ve had enough.”

“No, no,” Thorin insisted, “I am the king.”

“You are drunk,” Balin reproached, “Now, no more.”

“Oh, you are no fun,” Your words felt fuzzy.

“The lot of you go back to what you were doing before and stop encouraging these two,” Balin sounded serious.

The dwarves gave frowns and returned to their seats, though they kept glancing over at the two of you. You held yourself steady against the edge of the table and you continued your staring contest with Thorin. “One more and you’d have been out.” You rolled across your tongue.

“Sure,” Thorin’s voice was thick, “If that helps you sleep at night.”

“It is too bad we will never know,” You pushed yourself up from the table, you felt yourself leaning. “At least, not this night. You will find out one day.” You grabbed the chair as you felt yourself wobble. “Oh, a lovely tune,” A flute began to blow off-key and you took clumsy steps in an attempt at a jig, laughter emitted from around.

“Nice try, [Y/N],” Kili came up beside you, “But I don’t think you should be dancing.”

“I will dance if I want to,” You stuck your tongue out, “This is a night for revelry.” You kept making your tuneless steps, “I feel great.” You somehow fell back onto your chair, “You’re right, chair,” You said to the piece of furniture, “I think I will sit.” More laughter.

Your head was suddenly heavy and you leaned it on your hand, your elbow hard against the top of the table. You looked at Thorin, his own shoulders were slouching and he had a slight lean. His hair looked so soft and his eyes were like sapphires. His beard was probably like velvet and his lips… _No, no._

“Another ale,” You shouted and Fili shook his head, “Damn.” You got up once more, swaying, as you rounded the table to stand beside Thorin, “They won’t bring me any more ale.”

“I think that is a good thing,” He sounded so drunk, drunker than you, surely.

“No, it’s not,” You sulked, “Ale makes everything lovely.” His hair was so shiny, you longed to pet it, it was probably softer than cat, “Meow.”

“Did you just meow?” He asked with a chuckle.

“No, you meowed, kitty.” You felt yourself begin to sway dangerously.

“What?” His eyes were so bright, and his lips….

“I need to sit down,” You said to yourself and you turned and sat on his lap before he could think to stop you. “This chair is weird.” You didn’t know there was cushioned chairs here, this tavern was rather rickety.

“Because I am sitting in it,” Thorin slurred and you turned, your nose dangerously close.

“How’d you get in my chair?” You squinted at him.

“This is my chair,” He insisted, you could feel his warmth below you.

“What? No, I’m sitting here,” You replied, “You cannot have the chair.”

“[Y/N],” You wobbled backward and his hand steadied you, “Careful.”

“Hey, what are you doing in my chair?” You asked again.

“For the last time, it’s my chair,” His hand was so warm, you could feel it through your tunic.

“I just need to sit a moment,” You put your hand on his shoulder in a reassuring manner, “My legs are tired.”

“Sit as long as you like,” He purred, you felt a strand of his hair brush your hand and you couldn’t help but stroke the silky curtain.

“Thank you, kitty,” You continued to pet his head, you felt his hand slip lower on your back, and it sounded like someone was giggling.

“Stop calling me that,” He slurred, yet it wasn’t really a command.

“Do you like your chin scratched, kitty?” You began to pet his beard, it was like velvet.

“Yes,” His voice was low and he leaned his chin into your hand.

“Meow,” You said once more, your fingers brushing though his beard, you leaned towards him.

You could feel his breath, you could smell the ale, and you felt his hand cupping your bottom. You remembered his lips and how you had been thinking about them, what was it you were thinking? Your lips grazed his and you finished that thought, you wanted those lips. You kissed him and the rabble faded away, replaced by a still silence. You ran your hand up his cheek and into his thick hair, it was the softest thing you had ever felt, aside from his lips.

You finally pulled away, your tongue tasted more strongly of ale than it had before, and you couldn’t hear anything. You looked behind you feeling as if someone was watching you and found twelve sets of eyes wide with shock. You wondered what they were looking at. You turned back and saw that Thorin was in your chair and something squeezed your bottom, sending a warm feeling through your pelvis.

“Thorin, you’re in my chair,” You wondered why your hand was tangled in his hair and why he was smiling so wide.


End file.
